I vividly remember sitting in my English class on the first day of the new semester. At some point during the presentation, our teacher asked, “How many of you feel like you’re going to stay friends past high school?” I don’t think there was a single hand raised—maybe two at most. This was this year.
I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it, but in that moment, I thought to myself: I genuinely don’t want to be alone after high school. I want the type of friends you see in films who call each other randomly and have the other pick up instantly, even if the call was a minute or two. I want check-ins, I want advice, I want meaningful conversations. I want long-lasting relationships. I want to use the term “BFF” again.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. The consumption of media has made us feel like life had to be a certain way (especially those 2010 teenage movies.) Like most people, I’m most definitely a victim of that. However, films also hold some truth. That warm, sweet feeling you get halfway through hanging out with someone—that feeling where for a moment everything that was bothering you is put onto the side. That kind of love or bond they show is achievable, especially now.
Put it into reality—we’re in a building for seven hours to learn, but we are also surrounded by kids who are the same age as us. Take that and use it to your advantage. We’re constantly told, “It’ll be better in middle school,” “It’ll be better in high school,” “It’ll be better in college.”
That’s all I hear as advice towards someone that says that they’re not enjoying their school life. I’m not saying it’s bad advice, it’s hopeful. But if you constantly tell yourself that life is just going to figure itself out, then you’re wrong. Stop waiting for your story to happen—you have to make it happen. It isn’t some videogame where you get three lives, you only get one—and your objective in this game is to make your life one that’s worth being in theaters.
Take a second to reflect on the past few years of your life; note those who stayed with you, those who came in maybe recently, or those who are no longer with you. Now think about yourself. How did you feel in that time of your life when those certain individuals were around you?
The term, “You are who you’re around,” easily gets overlooked. Statistically speaking, it’s true. A Harvard study—which is almost EIGHTY years old—has proven that relationships help us live longer and lead an overall happier life. Relationships become a reflection of who you are and what you want to stand for as a person. If you’re around someone who constantly talks down on other people, you pick up on that negative energy too. Thus, without realizing, you begin to complain about everything. And it’s not just friends—it could be the public. Society itself constantly pulls at our strings like puppets, shaping us to feel a certain way—as though particular things are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. There’s no such thing as a talking stage or certain methods you have to follow for someone to like you. It’s your life. You call the shots.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t lose your sense of self. Especially in high school.
Figuring out who you are and who you want to be is hard, but you can start by choosing who to be around and set gentle boundaries. Find your crowd; what type of person do you want to be and what type of friends would help you work towards that? When you’re around your friends, you think you’re simply hanging out. However, it’s directly feeding into your brain and makes decisions for you without you realizing; change doesn’t always have to be sudden. Most of the time, it’s subtle. I’m not saying to cut off your friend of four years, but you need to take the time to sit down and ask yourself, “Is this what I really want?” Find people that you genuinely want to be with; people who will run out with you mid-sunset to get ice cream then play with you near the shore. People who will make your heart content.
Fulfill that longing in your heart; you can do anything you set your mind to. The best time to build meaningful relationships isn’t later—it’s now. If you’re going to take anything away from this, let it be this question:
Who are you now, and who is the person you aspire to be?
