Spiritual Healing with Dr. B Loved Part 3: The Return

We back up in it.

We+back+up+in+this.

Romel

We back up in this.

Dear Dr. B Loved,

I’m James and I really like this girl. Like really like her. The thing is, she is going after this guy, and he’s older, and if I’m being honest not interested in her one bit. I mean a lot of people have told me this could definitely work, but I don’t want to wait this one out. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Yung Shadow AKA No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross

Dear Mr. Shadow AKA Catching more curves than a turnabout,

I feel you on this one fam. I really do. My heart goes out to you here, but I have to lay down these facts real quick. First, I think it is fantastic you got feelings. Love is a wonderful thing beloved. The problem is that your attitude is all messed up. This girl is just as free to chase after whoever is trying to sling some game regardless of your feelings, and I know that hurts to know. If you really do have feelings fam, you will wait the four months for mystery girl to realize this guy is not Boyz II Men, he is Jodeci. And nobody wants to be called forever my lady by the bad boys of R&B, classic slow jam status not withstanding. The thing is Drake got the game wrecked with “Marvin’s Room” thinking that just because you got emotions as a male it trumps her agency. My mans Gloria Steinem did not fight for you to be acting like this. You gotta ride the wave. And by the wave, I mean third wave feminist literature. So just chill and cop some enlightenment.

Sincerely,

Dr. B Loved

 


 

Dear Dr. B Loved,

My name is Susan. I met this guy Nicholas through friends and we exchanged numbers. But it’s THREE WHOLE DAYS with no text. What should I do? Does this mean he is not interested.

Sincerely,

Nicholas pls make my hotline bling pls 

Dear Yung Aquafina AKA Thirst Bucket,

Woah a whole 72 HOURS? I mean obviously that means there is a rift that can never be repaired. Like let’s be real here. The man is nervous. I have never met a man named Nicholas who has ever made the first move. Man even Santa Claus needed prodding before he started the whole charity gift sleigh racket. Susan B. Anthony did not march for you to sit around and wait for a text. Hit the man up with the trifecta text. First, you have to say something other than “Hey.” Hey sucks. I say “hey” when I text my mom because I want pizza. You don’t wanna sound like his mom before he ever takes you to the candy shop like 50 in 05’ jah feel me? Then, make a joke referencing a past experience. The man mentions he hates cheese? Throw a cheese pun in there. Maybe an affinity for Jean Claude Van Damme? Maybe say you want to be a double team but you have to be Dennis Rodman. Then, ask him to do something on a definitive date. BOOM. Not only have you furthered the progression of gender roles, you also got yourself a boo.


 

Dear B. Loved, 

I have been best friends with my guy Daniel since we were about 8, but there has been a problem lately. My guy got a girlfriend. I feel proud, but his girl is cutting into our bro time. I don’t want to wish a breakup on them, but I want my friend back.

Sincerely,

Yung Jealous Homie AKA about to sign to Think It’s a Game

Dear Yung Jealousy,

Friendship is cool, but you can’t be bromosexual for life. Things change. This is a point in life where you learn who you really are. First you gotta assess his girl. Is she controlling? Is your boy lost in the sauce and his girl lost in the game? The thing is you can’t let the mink drag when you hop out like that, it just is not dignified. So at this point go calm. Start to make plans further in advance so you have priority. If that does not work, then you really gotta confront him and present your beef. But if that does not save him, honestly wait. Domineering relationships do not last for long periods. So after the four month expiration date is reached and he is down in the dumps, you can point at him and say “See that girl you left me in the dust for? Where is she? And where am I at right now? Remember that b.” Then that will be a bonding moment. If he repeats this cycle, you learn in advance the homie may not be that tight. It’s a terrible reality, but some people are just terrible friends.

Sincerely,

Dr. B Loved


 

Alright lil ones, it’s ya boi the rap game Simon Le Bon AKA Big Thing AKA Bibby with the pull up jumper AKA the rap game Malcolm Gladwell. Remember to hit me up with your problems on the official email and make my pager chirp like Raekwon.

Until next time,

Dr. B Loved