Lochte, You Done Goofed
"Lochte him up!"
August 25, 2016
Filed under News
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With the 2016 Rio Olympics coming to a much needed close, news headlines all across the great blue are now plastered with the infamous name of Olympic gold medalist, Ryan Lochte.
In recent weeks, all eyes have been on the U.S. Olympic swim team with outstanding performances from 23 time gold medal winning Olympian, Michael Phelps and newcomer, Katie Ledecky, sweeping the women’s swim competitions with her record breaking times. Now, it is quite obvious that Lochte began to grow wary with his hometown country’s blatant neglect and lack of appreciation, for he too is an Olympic gold medalist, but all any one seemed to be concerned about this Olympics in regards to Lochte was his dramatic change from the boring brunette to the bold, blond beauty. Having had enough with the lack of respect from his nation, Lochte decided to turn the tables and call upon all the attention he could get.
Wrong move, bud.
On Saturday, August 14, 2016, Lochte and fellow Team U.S.A. swimmers, Gunnar Bentz, Jack Congner, and Jimmy Fiegen, dashed away from the pool to enjoy a fleeting sense of freedom and non-chlorinated breathes of fresh air. After a few rounds of drinks at a local Rio bar, the night began to draw to a close and the boys sought their way back to the Olympic Village. Now, depending on who you ask, this is where one story becomes the tale of two sinners.
En route back to their Olympic sojourn in a taxi, Lochte and friends stopped at a gas station to where they claimed a man posing as a police officer stopped to rob them at gun-point. Lochte says that he and his fellow swimmers gave the alleged robber what he wanted, including their phones and watches. After this ever so traumatic event, the U.S. swimmers sought refuge back at the Olympic Village and counted their blessings for making it out alive.
While the taxi stopped at the gas station, the U.S. Olympic swimmers exited the cab, entered the gas station, and began to viciously vandalize the restroom. A security guard at the gas station confronted them, but never pulled out a gun on the incoherent swimmers. The boys left the gas station after paying the store manager a stealthy amount of 50 U.S dollars and returned back to their humble abode. Caught on camera, the swimmer’s seemed jovial and remained unfazed from the previous events of the night with their watches on their wrists and phones in hand.
Both accounts of the event seem plausible and truthful, however, Lochte and his fellow teammate’s retelling of the story lacked a key component necessary in every case: consistency. Time and time again, Lochte and his teammates failed to replicate the same information regarding times of departure/arrival and the truth about the confrontation with the officer. The only constant retold accurately from the story came from the Brazilian defense leading to the eventual indictment of Lochte and fellow swimmer, Jimmy Fiegen on charges of reporting a false crime.
Lochte and his teammates have issued public apologies and are noting this event as a “let down to their country” after such a triumphant U.S. Olympic performance. Since the Rio debacle, commercial sponsors are pulling out from under Lochte left and right as nobody wants to be affiliated with the American liar.
But hey, let’s cut Mr. Lochte some slack, shall we? How many times have you ever lied about being held at gun point? Oh, right. Never. This is one battle that Lochte might just have to accept the pure defeat without even the consideration of a bronze medal. Lochte’s bad case of affluenza is not receiving favorable responses from the millions of people who held him on such a high Olympic pedestal. Especially during a time of high global political tension, the last thing the U.S. needs is an opportunity for someone to take a cheap shot to generalize all Americans as deceitful liars.
Sorry, Ryan–America cannot cheer you on now. Stick to your day job because lying is not for you.